How To Break Bad Habits and Build Better Ones

If there’s one thing anyone can agree on is that everybody in life looks for better ways to improve themselves and the quality of their life. 

One way to do that is to build better habits (or rituals) that serve you and break any bad habit that is stopping you from becoming a better version of yourself. 

Habits are like hats, you get to choose which ones suits you better and you like most, and you get to change them if you don’t.

If there’s anything to be true in life, it is this: Habits, once implemented, become a part of your life. And when they become a part of your life, they change (for the better or for the worse) who you are and your quality of life.

I always say “First you make your habits, then your habits make you”.

So, without much more to say, let’s dive into what habits are.

What is a Habit?

A habit is a repeated action, a tendency, a behavior done so much over time that it has become nearly or completely involuntary.

It uses a lot of mental awareness in the beginning, yet once it is formed it doesn’t require that mental awareness anymore.

By that time, it has become automated.

In the beginning, the brain uses a lot of energy to be present with new information, a new task it has to learn. It doesn’t have neural networks for this task at this point.

After repeating the new information or task for a long time, the brain already has neurons (for the new information) made that start gluing together and forming a pathway.

This would be the scientific understanding of the saying “First you make your habits, then your habits make you.”

• For example, brushing your teeth is one of the most common healthy habits most people have. They were just nagged on and on by their moms to brush their teeth when they were small, and now they do it every day. 

Now, you just brush your teeth and find yourself thinking about what meal you’ll have later that day, what tasks you’ll need to get done for tomorrow, sometimes even forgetting that you’re brushing your teeth! It’s like being on autopilot.

• Same with driving. Driving is a habit too. But the first time you did it, you’d have to agree with me that you used more mental energy to think about what you were doing. You’d be thinking about which foot goes on what pedal, which gears is appropriate at certain speeds, which hand and which direction turns on the left signal, and so on!

You repeated this habit until it became part of you. It is now automatic, and you can do all those things at once and be thinking about your pets instead of what your hands and feet are doing!

• Keeping your back straight is again, another good example of a healthy habit. 

You learn in the beginning the appropriate posture, and you use a lot of mental energy to draw your attention to your posture. You become aware of it when you’re sitting cross-legged, or bent and sideways! And the more often you become aware of it, the more often you correct it. And the more often you correct it, the more you train your brain (and back) muscles to sit in that position.

It will require energy and effort in the beginning, especially when your muscles aren’t used to staying like that. You might feel them tense. But only until it becomes your way of being. And your muscles don’t feel tense anymore, it feels normal, easy, natural for them to stay like that.

3 Steps to Build a New Habit

Step 1) Decide on a habit you want to create

Let’s say you want to create a healthy habit of going out for a run every morning. If you haven’t done any exercising in months or years, your brain will perceive this habit as too difficult and increase your likelihood of giving up too soon (It will say things like “Start tomorrow. Tomorrow is a better day. You’re not an athlete anyway, might as well give yourself a break.”) It’s only because your brain is not trained to do that much amount of work all of a sudden and it will seem difficult for the brain. In order to go around it, you’ll need to do Step #2, break down the goal into smaller pieces.

Step 2) Break it down into smaller pieces

Let’s say in our case, that would be first to buy proper running shoes and sweatpants. Seems easy right? That’s the idea, keep it simple and fun in the beginning so you’ll be inclined to do it!

Then, make your goal to go out for a walk for 15 mins the next day.

Then a walk for 20 mins the next two days.

Then a slight fast-paced walk for 20 mins.

Next weeks, a jog for 15-20 mins.

Increase as you go. You’ll know how much to increase based on how much you can do. Stop when it’s too much or too difficult, and rethink the next goal to keep it up until the point of exhaustion, while it’s still enjoyable, and not yet dreadful.

Step 3) Consistency is key! 

So, you’d have to show up if you want to create a new habit in your life. 

Some days will be easy, some will be harder, but if you push past those hard ones where you don’t feel like doing it, pretty soon your habit will start being your new way of Being. (Like driving for example: you practiced so much that you ARE a driver)

How to Break Bad Habits

The best way to break bad habits is to make them difficult and unappealing enough for you while replacing it with a different habit you want to create.

• Difficult:

The more difficult you make that habit for yourself, the more you increase your chances to not do it. Again, use the knowledge you have about the brain to your advantage. The brain doesn’t like difficult stuff and will always find a way to work around it. That’s why they say that some of the biggest procrastinators are extremely creative. It’s because their brain will work around the difficulty and find an easier way to do the task.

The most popular example is the one with the alarm clock. Let’s say your goal is to stop snoozing your alarm and oversleeping in the morning, and instead to make the habit of waking up every morning at 5 am.

The first thing you’d need to do is set your alarm clock for 5 am and place it as far in the house as possible. This old trick is done with the intention that you’d actually have to get up and stop the alarm clock. This way, it’s not near you were you can easily hit snooze and dose off for a few more minutes (or hours).

• Unappealing:

If you want to quit eating so many sweets let’s say, then the trick is to make the wanting/craving and obtaining part as unappealing as possible.

It goes hand in hand with the above-mentioned point, making a habit difficult to follow through.

Go have your spouse hide them in the house and make the challenge for you as tough as possible so that you’ll fall quicker prey to giving up. Have them do this instead: put fruits on a tray and have them be displayed near you or when passing by.

The trick is not to just cut out on a habit, as you’ll crave it. It’s to replace it with something else. Why do you think so many smokers that quit quickly replace smoking with chewing a gum?

Find a habit you don’t like and think of what you can replace it with. Make the old one as unsatisfying, unpleasant, and difficult as possible while making the new one obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. 

Reward Recognition Pattern

And finally, reward yourself for the task you’ve done!

The more fun the habit is, the better. But if it is not so fun sometimes, don’t forget to give yourself a token of appreciation for pushing through and making it happen!

This rewards and recognition pattern will make your brain anticipate the next good thing that will happen (what reward you will get, the satisfaction and appreciation of a well-done task, the achievement you deserve).

You did the work and you deserve a reward, yay!

Don’t reward yourself with too many sweets for instance as you’ll quickly be making a bad habit again!