How to Be Gentle With Yourself on Anxious Days

Some days, your brain just won’t cooperate. You wake up feeling like you’re already behind— in life (yeah!),— even if there’s nothing urgent on the agenda. Everything feels a little too loud, a little too much, and even the smallest decisions—what to eat, what to wear, whether to answer that text you received last Monday— feels like it’s too much.

Anxiety has a way of making you believe that if you just try harder, you’ll snap out of it. If you just push through, you’ll feel better. But that’s just society’s hustle mentality that tells you to toughen up. And guess what? Anxiety doesn’t respond to pressure. Anxiety responds to softness.

In today’s post, we’ll talk about just that: the kindness your soul needs so that your body can get back to homeostasis. We won’t be “fixing” anything “wrong” in you— ‘cause let’s face it: there’s nothing wrong with you. Today, we’ll talk about the ways you can meet yourself where you are and offer some kindness to alleviate what you’re feeling. Ready? 

P.S. If you’re in need of a quick reset, here are 10 Quick Ways to Calm Anxiety in Under 5 Minutes to help ground you before we dive in. 😊

The Art of Not Being Your Own Worst Critic

If there’s one thing anxiety loves, it’s a good self-judgment spiral day. You know, the kind that has you doubting even more than what you’re already experiencing! 

If you’re already feeling overwhelmed, your brain probably chimes in with some narratives that aren’t helpful.

Thoughts like: 

• Why am I like this?
• Other people handle this just fine.
• I should be doing more.
• I should be further (in life) by now. 
• I just need to push through it.

Useful thoughts? Not at all. But anxiety isn’t known for great advice.

If anything, if you woke up today and said to yourself,

“Damn it, anxiety. I’m just trying to live my life!”

Then congratulations—you’re at step one.

And step one is awareness. It’s noticing the spiral and realizing that you don’t have to respond the same way you always have—because let’s be honest, that hasn’t really worked, right?

So this time, let’s respond with kindness.

Every time you are a little kinder to yourself, you allow anxiety to exist as an emotion in you. If you do this correctly, you’ll notice that “negative feelings”, such as anxiety, won’t stay present as long as you’d think. They won’t get worse either. In fact, the more you allow these emotions to just be, the quicker they’ll vanish.

That’s what it means to navigate negative emotions smoother. 

A simple shift you can practice today would be telling yourself: 

“Hey, I know today feels rough. It’s okay to slow down. You’re not failing just because you’re struggling. You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just a human with a nervous system that needs a little extra care right now.”

And that’s exactly what you need right now. 

Step One: Lower the Bar 

When anxiety kicks in, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need to do more to get rid of it. Push harder, be more productive, prove to yourself that you’re not “wasting time.”

But let’s try something radical instead: lower the bar.

Not forever. Just for today.

Don’t worry, you can always pick it up later.

But here’s the truth: you don’t need to meet some invisible standard of handling things well to be worthy of rest, kindness, or a little breathing room. You weren’t born perfect, nor should you try to achieve such an impossible scenario.

Some days, the win won’t be crushing your to-do list— it’ll be something like feeding yourself a decent meal, getting fresh air, or answering that one text you’ve been avoiding (yeah, that one from last week). And that’s enough.

Instead of asking, What should I be doing right now? try asking yourself:
“What is the most gentle next step I can take?”

Maybe that means making a cup of tea instead of diving straight into your inbox. Maybe it’s lying down for a bit without scrolling. Maybe it’s just pausing, taking a breath, and remembering that you are not obligated to keep up with the world when your nervous system is asking for a timeout.

Even when society has made it very clear that we glorify inhumane hustle culture, robot-like performance, and the grind— whilst completely disregarding our nervous system in the process— your body will always tell you when it’s time to take a break.

Listen to it. Lower the bar. Take a break. 

Today, rest.

Tomorrow? See what the day brings you.

Step Two: A Gentle Pep Talk To Yourself 

If you saw a little puppy trembling in a corner, scared by the world, would you yell at it to get it together? Would you call the lil’ pup lazy?! Tell it to push through?

Uhm, no!! 

You’d probably scoop it up, give it a soft pat, and say something like, “Hey, you’re okay. Let’s get you somewhere comfy.”

Now, here’s the thing—you are that puppy on days when anxiety kicks in.

During those moments, your nervous system is like that overstimulated little pup you found on the corner of the street. Anxiety isn’t trying to ruin your day. It’s just reacting to signals, real or perceived, that make it feel unsafe or overwhelmed. And just like that puppy, what it needs isn’t pressure. It needs comfort.

The way you talk to yourself in these moments matters. If your inner voice sounds like a drill sergeant, your nervous system is only going to tighten its grip. But if your inner voice sounds like a gentle, reassuring friend, something shifts.

So, try this: The next time your thoughts start spiraling, pause and ask,
“If a friend were feeling like this, what would I say to them?”

Would you tell them they’re weak? No. You’d probably say something soft, something kind:
“It’s okay to feel this way. You’re doing your best. You don’t have to figure it all out right now.”

Now take that same tone and turn it inward.

You don’t have to fix how you feel. You just have to meet yourself where you are—with the same patience, care, and warmth you’d give to something small, tired, and trying its best.

Because that’s exactly what you are doing right now. 

And you’re doing a great job. 

Even if it doesn’t feel like it. 

Step Three: Find Comfort, Not Escape

When anxiety makes everything feel like it’s too much, the natural instinct is to shut it all down— numb it, ignore it, run from it. And honestly, that makes sense. Anxiety is exhausting. Who wouldn’t want an off switch?

But here’s the thing: there’s a difference between comfort and escape.

Scrolling for hours, binge-watching something you don’t even care about, or pretending your problems don’t exist might seem like relief, but it often leaves you feeling just as overwhelmed— if not worse.

Real comfort, on the other hand, soothes your nervous system. It doesn’t shut off what you’re feeling— it helps you move through it.

So, what actually helps?

• Warmth. A cozy blanket, a hot cup of tea, a long shower. Physical warmth has a way of making everything feel safer.
• Movement, but make it gentle. No, you don’t need to force yourself into an intense workout, necessarily. But stretching, swaying to music, or even taking a slow walk can signal to your body that you’re not trapped.
• Breathe. It sounds cliché, but slowing your breath tells your nervous system you’re safe. Try breathing in for four seconds, holding for four, and exhaling for six. (And no, you don’t have to be good at it.)
• Something sensory. Anxiety pulls you into your head; grounding brings you back to now. Splash cold water on your face, light a candle, rub lotion into your hands—anything that gently reminds your body where it is.

The goal isn’t to escape your feelings. The goal is to remind your body that it’s safe to feel them.

And that’s how you start to loosen anxiety’s grip—not by running from it, but by learning how to sit with it, gently.

If you need a few quick ways to ground yourself when anxiety feels overwhelming, here are 10 Quick Ways to Calm Anxiety in Under 5 Minutes that you can try right now.

Step Four: Don’t Believe Every Thought You Think

Ever heard of the saying “You are not your thoughts”? Well, this applies here.

Anxiety has a way of turning your brain into the world’s worst fortune teller. It predicts disaster, assumes the worst, and makes you believe that every uncomfortable thought must be true.

Spoiler alert: your thoughts are not facts.

Just because your brain says, “I’m failing,” doesn’t mean you actually are.
Just because it tells you, “They probably don’t like me,” doesn’t mean that’s reality.
Just because it insists, “Everything is going to fall apart,” doesn’t make it true.

Anxious thoughts are like spam emails—they show up, grab your attention, and try to convince you of things that aren’t real. But just like you wouldn’t take a “You’ve won a million dollars” email seriously, you don’t have to take every anxious thought at face value either.

In fact, you can try practicing these Positive Affirmations For Anxiety, Stress, and Overwhelm to train your brain to have new thoughts.

So the next time your mind starts spiraling, try this:

• Pause and notice the thought. Instead of immediately reacting to it, take a second to label it: “Oh, that’s my anxiety talking.”
• Ask yourself: Is this a fact or just a feeling? Feelings are valid, but they aren’t always reliable storytellers. Look at facts. Has the other person actually told you they don’t like you, for instance?
• Detach from it. Instead of saying, “I’m going to mess this up,” say: “I’m having the thought that I might mess this up.” That small shift helps create space between you and your anxious brain.

You don’t have to fight every anxious thought. You just have to recognize that not all of them deserve your attention.

And the ones that don’t? Let them go.

After all, you (really) are not your thoughts. 

The sooner you understand that, the better. 

Step Five: Give Yourself Credit for Existing

Some days, just making it through is enough.

We live in a world that glorifies constant progress, productivity, and doing the most— so much so that simply being can feel like it’s not enough. But here’s the truth: existing is already a full-time job. And on anxious days? It’s even more exhausting.

If you got up today and did anything— fed yourself, answered a message, breathed through a wave of anxiety— you’re already doing something worth acknowledging.

So instead of measuring your worth by how much you accomplished today, try giving yourself credit for the fact that you’re here, showing up for yourself in the best way you can.

Because you don’t need to earn your right to rest. 

You don’t have to prove that you deserve kindness. 

Give yourself credit for what you’re going through and all the kindness you can muster to help yourself.

Breathing is enough.
Getting out of bed is enough.
Showering and putting on clothes is enough.

You are already enough, even on the days when anxiety tries to convince you otherwise.

So what if today didn’t feel like a win? That’s okay. Tomorrow is another chance.

Conclusion: A Little More Softness, A Little Less Pressure

Anxious days aren’t easy. They make everything feel heavier, harder, and sometimes, impossible. But the way you move through them matters. Not with force, not with pressure, but with gentleness.

Lower the bar when you need to.
Give yourself the kind of pep talk you’d give a friend.
Choose comfort over escape.
Question your anxious thoughts instead of believing them on sight.
And most of all, give yourself credit—because being human is hard enough without the extra weight of self-judgment.

You’re doing better than you think.
And when anxiety makes you forget that? Come back to this. Come back to yourself.

One soft moment at a time.